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We're going to spend some time on forgiveness. If you're not interested in living with more joy and freedom, and you don't care if you have a sour, crotchety look on your face, these next articles probably aren't for you. (You know it's true - holding onto unforgiveness doesn't make for a very attractive person, inside or out.)

God calls us to forgive. Does forgiveness feel like a big, difficult burden on your shoulders? Did someone just come to mind, and you feel like a little kid, saying, "But I don't wanna?"

When I was younger, after telling my Dad my latest frustration with someone, he'd say, "Yeah, it's too bad they aren't perfect like you and me...and sometimes I wonder about you." Now I say that to my kids, and then I laugh. But it's true - none of us are perfect, and we all have to live together in a broken world. That affords us many opportunities to learn about and extend forgiveness. Yay.

In a more recent battle to forgive, I was reminded that forgiveness isn't living in denial or stuffing our feelings. Humans weren't created to carry certain feelings for extended periods of time. We're intricate creations whose physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual parts are intertwined and affect each other. Carrying bitterness can make us "sick" on numerous levels, as can living with fear and stress. Forgiveness isn't just a godly choice but a healthy one as well.

Like I said, God calls us to forgive. What I'm realizing is He often asks us to do things that initially we don't want to (like dying to self), but in the end it's the best thing for us. Consequently, forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves. It's taking the "hook" out of our mouth that has been yanking us around like a fish that took the bait. It's allowing God to free us from the negative influence of the event or person.

Another thing I was reminded of was that it's indeed a "battle" to forgive. Truth be told, we can't do it by ourselves. Our human nature doesn't want to, and our enemy is always encouraging us to hold onto anger, bitterness, pain, and pride.

I found that to forgive someone, truly forgive them, I have to ask Jesus to do it through me. (He's great at forgiving people.) I give Him my willingness, no matter how weak and pathetic it is at the time, and He extends forgiveness through me. Sometimes the results are immediate, and other times I ask Him to help me forgive MANY times during the day - each time the person or situation comes to mind. But as the days go by, I notice the pain and anger subside, and He deposits understanding, love, victory, and joy in their place. Speaking of joy...

One night I found myself perturbed and struggling to fall asleep. I told God, "I just want my joy back!" I finally had enough and got out of bed. (It takes a lot to get this girl out of bed once she's all tucked in.) I wandered out to our living room, opened my Bible, and with not nearly enough respect, asked (told) God to speak to me. (Did I mention I was cranky and tired?!)

My Bible fell open to Psalms where a chapter's heading caught my eye. It simply said, "The Joy of Forgiveness." God had gotten straight to the point. Well, I heard Him loud and clear. I shut my Bible and went back to bed, knowing what I needed to pursue to regain my joy.

Walking through forgiveness: STEP 1 - Acknowledge you're hurt, embarrassed, or angry. Go to God and admit that you're in pain. He already knows, so you might as well be completely honest with Him about everything. He's not going to be disappointed, shocked, or exasperated. It's quite the opposite. Now as we willingly acknowledge our wounds, it's so much easier for Him to address them.

STEP 2 - Invite and allow God to "touch" those painful areas, asking Him to do the forgiving work in and through you. Even if you have to say, "Jesus, help me forgive them" 100 times a day - do it. Then thank Him for His help and healing, because this is something He WANTS to do, CAN do, and IS doing in you.

STEP 3 - This step isn't for the faint of heart. Pray for the person who hurt you. Asking God to send a meteorite as a "special gift" for them doesn't count. Pray for them the way you would want to be prayed for. You may have to pray through clenched teeth the first dozen times, but eventually something is going to happen. "What?" you ask. Ah, why don't you just pray for that person and find out?

Here's a little test to see if you've truly forgiven someone: Do you still talk about that situation whenever you get the chance? Do you still go over it in your head and create dialogues and scenarios? Do you still carry negative feelings toward this person and talk badly about them? If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, go through the steps again - there's more freedom waiting for you.

Wrapping things up - forgiveness is no longer allowing a situation to poison our existence and affect our identity, outlook, or life. It's taking the hurtful, negative power out of the situation and removing its "hook." It's walking in obedience to God's call to a higher standard - to be Christlike through the power of the Holy Spirit and graciously forgive as we've been forgiven. (That being forgiven thing is kinda a big deal.) Oh yeah, forgiveness also opens the door to greater joy.

Ephesians 4:32 NKJV "And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you."